The return of Singularity, and other miscellanea

It's back!

It's difficult for me to imagine that we're entering only the fourth year of having a brewery like Driftwood around. They are, and continue to be, BC's Dogfish Head: putting out the sort of beer that you'd elect flag-carrier for the nation at some sort of world-beer throwdown.

This year's Singularity is no exception. It pours as black as squid ink and tastes like drinking barrel-aged 90%-cocoa chocolate fondue. Additionally, if it's 11.8%, then a Tim Horton's Maple Cream Doughnut is low-carb. Everybody knows this beer is at least 14% worth of lip-smacking darkness. If you could bottle all the sexy things Barry White ever said, this is what it would be. My favourite thing to do is this: hold up a pint of Guinness to a bright light - it'll show through red. Hold up a pint of Singularity to the same light - black as the dark side of the moon at night during January.

What else; well how about this?

It pains me to say it, but even Megadestroyer isn't something that you should drink after tasting Singularity. Mega-D is really quite good this year but it's a whole different level of insanity. If you want to have a go at something fun, be blasphemous and pour yourself a half-and-half. The resulting melange of imperial stout hits the low notes like a double bass. Phenomenal.

Now here's something interesting.

I passed over these beers in the bottom of the fridge at 16th street liquor store because... well because I didn't think they were beer.

As it turns out, and despite the seemingly-strange things added to the brew (not just limes, but lemongrass and other spices in the tripel), they're actually pretty good. Partially, I know I'm giving both these brews the benefit of the doubt because they're in cans, and I'm always a sucker for the aluminum, but both worth picking up should you stumble across 'em, particularly the Baltic Porter.

The Best Little Beerhouse in Hawai'i

Look what a pathetic haole I am, trying to spell Hawaii with an apostrophe and everything, like I was a local. I may be the whitest person in creation.

Anyway, if there's one complaint about living in a tropical paradise (and I turned pro at Complaining a long time ago), it's that the micro-beer culture here is pretty invisible. Let's be polite and call it nascent. However, I've remarked before on the scavenger hunt nature of your average beerthusiast, and just because my brain is on holiday doesn't mean my liver is. Far from it.

A bit of careful googling resulted in a path being beaten to the Liquor Collection, a shoebox-sized store that has a heart of pure beer. And they have fine wines and stuff. Who cares.

Admittedly, it did require a little navigation to get there (Honolulu was apparently laid out be a guy with a spirograph), the traffic was terrible, and the music on the only reasonably-good radio station kept getting interrupted by DJ Tokesalot trying to string his four remaining tar-coated synapses in line long enough to read the surf report. "Hey, so... there's- what? Oh yeah."

Thirty seconds of silence.

"Dude?"

Anyway, here's the haul:

I know dan has laid out a field guide to beer bloggers already, and this falls firmly in the reprehensible Trophy-Hunter category, but just look! Pick of the litter? Probably the Basha, or maybe the Idiot IPA. You are what you drink. I left more on the shelf too: Delerium Tremens, Infinium, Abyss and some more crazy Beerdog stuff. I gave the proprietor my best Arnie impersonation. He thought I was asking for a bock.

Also, how cool is this: they give you a buck off for buying "real" beer, and they don't carry Coors. Rad.

Battle Royale No. 1

note: from time to time, and I can't be any more specific than that, my liver will become a battleground where two brews will go toe-to-toe to see who will be crowned the victor. It will be just like MMA for beer, except without the implied homoeroticism. Two beers enter, one beer leaves. (Actually, strictly speaking, both beers leave, after processing.)


Phillips "Hammer" Barrel Aged Imperial Stout vs Driftwood "Singularity" Russian Imperial Stout

Round One: Fight!

There are stouts, and then there are Imperial stouts, and like most things, the Imperial means "better". Imperial pints? Better than regular pints. The Chrysler Imperial? Better than a K-Car. The Empire Strikes Back? The defense rests.

What we have here are two Imperial stouts in the Russian style, both barrel-aged, and both as serious as an aneurysm. Which I'm probably going to have by trying to drink both. Phillips have barrel-aged their already-excellent Hammer Imperial stout, a personal favourite, but they're going up against Driftwood's Singularity, a hugely intense beer from a company that's grown aggressively over the last two years, and has my go-to IPA in their lineup with Fat Tug. Ah, yes, I really do enjoy a good Tug.

What?

Anyway I have paired these two heavyweights with a nice nigiri sushi. This is not a recommended pairing, I just happened to have it, and this exercise is not for empty stomachs.
Both pour insanely dark, making the soy sauce seem about as black as some insipid herbal tea.


The Hammer is smoother and more balanced than its non-barrelled version. Still packs a wallop though. Now the Singularity...

Ye Gods! I can see time! Just how strong is this stuff?


8.5% and 11.8% respectively, but that's not the whole story. The Hammer seems almost quaffable now after the insane intensity of the Singularity. To compare it to the well-known density of Guinness, the Singularity is like blackstrap molasses next to a teaspoon of sugar dissolved in a large quantity of water. Like the Pacific.

Round One to the Singularity.

Round Two: Fight!

I seem to have lost the ability to use chopsticks. Makes sense, as a significant portion of my medulla oblongata has dissolved.

The Singularity could not be more aptly-named. It's like drinking neutrino star with a hint of bourbon. By comparison, the Hammer seems as mellow as a smooth jazz bassline.

Round two to the Singularity.

Round Three: Fight!

...

Result!

Singularity wins by K.O.! Of me.

Post-Battle Review

For fans of Phillips, the new barrel-aged version of their excellent Imperial stout is a must-try. It's mellow but complicated, and is a great slow sipper.

However, for sheer complexity, Driftwood's Singularity is as dense as sub-atomic string theory, and I have to award it the prize for being the top quark. It's simply a huge beer, trying to drink a whole one by yourself is something only an idiot would do. An idiot like me.

Phillips Hammer Barrel Aged Imperial Stout
Recommended if:
-you own parachute pants
-you're a closet-communist
-you wanted a bit more complexity added to the regular Hammer

Not Recommended if:
-you're questing for the ultimate imperial stout
-you're a whiny little pipsqueak who throws himself down airshafts just because his dad cuts off his hand
-you think Molson Canadian has flavour

Driftwood Singularity Imperial Russian Stout
Recommended if:
-you need to tear a hole in the space-time continuum
-you really hate your brain/liver
-you want an intense taste experience

Not recommended if:
-you can't spell "continuum"
-you have feeble tastebuds
-you don't have any friends to share it with