The Best Damn Hawaiian Beers and Grinds

It's our last day here, and about time too: I've exhausted the local beer supply. Well, not exhausted precisely, but I've been power-levelling in Untappd like a WOW nerd on an IV drip.

But before winging my way home in a metal sausage, crammed cheek-by-jowl with what Nietzsche would call, "the botched and the bungled," it's time to sum up my trip with the best of the best, le creme de la creme, el supremo nacho grande, the proverbial big kahuna.

If you are possessed of a pair of legs, git yo' ass down to 4Kings for ono local grinds. Seriously, we hit this place twice in three days, and I forget why we didn't go three times. Probably because we were doing something boring like climbing a mountain.

If/when you're in Honolulu, hit the place up and order yourself something called "the not your normal loco." It's a fresh mahi-mahi patty topped by two eggs and smothered in shiitake mushroom gravy, brown rice and salad on the side. You can see it in the background on Katie's plate, but I didn't get a shot from the time I went because the food disappeared down my throat like my last name was Dyson. I think I ate part of the plate.

But you're not in Hawaii now. You're in Vancouver, or Surrey, or (God have mercy on your soul) Chilliwack. If so, you could care less about a hole-in-the-wall that's four thousand kilometres away. But that's just because you haven't eaten there. Yet.

I've got more bad news. Since coming here, I figure I've sampled near two dozen local brews. I've checked, and you can't get any of them here. Yet.

There were wheatbeers and hoppy IPAs and coffee-infused porters; ice-cold lager after a hot day's hike, a cascadia-hopped ale on a breezy marina. But of all the deliciousness that eased many a long afternoon, there's only one clear winner.

This is Maui Brewing Company's Coconut Porter, and the tagline at the bottom of the can reads "...like hot chicks on the beach," by which I assumed they mean, "thing that you've developed perfect 20/20 peripheral vision for." So that's a little confusing, but I'll run with it.

Coffee is a natural pairing for the dark roasted malts of stouts and porters. Coconut, toasted coconut in particular, is a little more subtle, but it adds length to the taste and hint of exotica to the nose. Now here's the good news: head south of the border as far as Seattle, WA, and you'll find these little four-pack jewels hidden in cold beer and wine stores. It's far and away the best the Islands have to offer.

Now, I'm headed back to local beers and rain rain rain. First stop, Cook St. Liquor Store!

Hot Damn of the Week: Kona Brewing

In many ways, BC gets some of the best beer in the world. Our local brewers produce knockout Imperials, kickass IPAs, big-bosomed Belgians and stuff that can be described by no other adjective than baconjam.

But there's 24 hours in every day, and those Untappd badges ain't gonna earn themselves. Meaning being, sometimes you've got to drink outside the box, and when it comes to playing the field, our brothers to the South make the yardsticks by which our Canadian beers are measured by. Although generally we whip those Yankee bastards *cough-golden-goal-cough*.

However, as apparent from previous posts, I'm on holiday in the US and A, and that means I'm very excite to have access to beers that I won't be able to get at home. Sometimes those beers are Pabst Blue Ribbon, and I could give a fu- I could care less. But sometimes those beers are from the premier brewery on the Hawaiian Islands.

While my pick for visiting haole remains Maui Brewing Company's Coconut Porter, if you're a beerthusiast the Island's pride and joy is the Kona Brewing Company. Think of it as the Granville Island Brewing Co. except with surfboards instead of craft pottery. Today we were lucky enough to visit a Hawaii Kai based branch brewpub.

With 14 beers in all, that's a lot of suds that don't drift over to our section of the Pacific. That might not be such a tragedy if it was just Longboard Lager that we were deprived of, but wouldn't you welcome a pint of Coco Loco, or Pipeline Porter? I know I would.

After the taster, I settled for a Cascadia Ale (the irony in flying all this way to drink beer hopped from home practically clangs) whereas Katie, the queen of beer mixology, decided on something dubbed an Almond Joy: Kona-coffee flavoured porter mixed with coconut-infused dark ale. Frankly, it's delicious.

What else was on tap? Three porters, a steam lager, a solar-produced golden ale, two wheat-beers, several mixed ales, and they'd just run out of an IPA.

You can get Longboard and Pipeline across the border in WA. Here's hoping somebody brings it northward of the 49th ASAP. As a side note, should you find yourself in Waikiki, make your way down to 4Kings Kitchen, and order yourself either the Loco or the Mochiko Chicken. It's worth the entire flight.