Note: I have tried to keep the blog relatively free from swears so that it would be safe to read with your children before you tuck them in bed with a nice milk-stout. It was very hard to do so with this one.
N'other Note: It has come to my attention that some vegans may become offended by a comment in this post. In response to such, may I just point out that this a blog where at one point I'm wearing a hat made of Post-Its?
I have a big soft spot in my heart for Howe Sound Brewing as it was there, a pint of Diamond Head stout on the table, that I witnessed Sidney Crosby's Golden Goal. It's in all the papers these days, the so-called unifying moment that galvanized the country and etc. Personally, my Oly games highlight was Jon Montgomery pwning a pitcher of beer. Still, there I was, wearing the decade-old t-shirt pictured above, leaping around like a deranged orangutan, slapping people on the back, hootin' and (I'm sorry to say) hollerin' and generally carrying-on. It was Epic.
Small wonder then, that a beer of such epic-ness would be put forth from the same place that saw us unified as a nation (i.e. as defined by victorious comparison to the Yanks). I'm making a new word up: Epic-centre. HSB is an epic-center.
Exhibit A: The Megadestroyer.
HSB puts a little swing-cap on their beer so that if you don't finish it all at once, then you can re-seal it for another day. Aw. Isn't that cute?
Obviously, they've never met me. If I have a soft spot in my heart for the brewery, then I have an extra lobe in my liver for Imperial Stouts, and I'm extra-excited to be trying this one with its licorice over-tones and big star anise nose. But there's a problem.
Megadestroyer doesn't just have a cool name, it comes with its own leather coaster. Want to see what happened to a regular coaster when I tried to set my beer down on it?
I haven't seen anything blister like that since the last time Mel Gibson accidentally trod on sacred ground.
I know I've said that this isn't going to be a beer-pairing blog, and that there are plenty of places to go if you'd like to use beer in some sort of fruity wine-guy thing where you have triple-creme brie and thin slices of granny smith apple and a gewurtztraminer (actually, that sounds pretty good), but there is something that can handle the epic-ness of the Megadestroyer.
Today is Valentine's day, and I've already launched one missive to the world about my amazing wife and her inexplicable amour for her fat lazy ginger husband, but here's a little glimpse as to what I'm talking about when I say she's an incredible woman. It was one of my Christmas presents:
Yes, that does say, "Bacon Jam".
On a relationship scale, this is not like John Cusack standing in the rain, holding a boom box over his head that's blasting Peter Gabriel's "In your Eyes". No, this is like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost doing the same sort of thing IN A TANK.
Being that I've now taken to calling anything good, "Baconjam", I'm happy to report that the Megadestroyer is indeed baconjam.
But wait, how do I pair the most Epic beer on the market with the most epic spreadable product on the market? I mean, you can't just smear pork on liquid, and believe me, I've tried. Wait, what if...
Oh yeah. Yeah I did.
So what does the combination taste like? Well, basically, It's dinosaur-flying-a-jet-plane awesome!
The Megadestroyer is as thick and rich as a rapper's widow, and the baconx2 pairs with it like Thor fighting demons with a hammer made of pig. Truly, it is the most epic pairing since Page and Plant, Morello and de la Rocha, John Mayer and John Mayer's Ego.
One thing: why do I have shooting pains up my left arm?
Howe Sound Brewing Megadestroyer Imperial Licorice Stout
-you think Mastadon is appropriate dinner-party music
-you're Dutch. Ishn't that weird?
-you've watched an Olympic hockey game with Nigel's (of the Alibi Room) mother-in-law. I have.
Not recommended if:
-you own a Kenny G cd
-you think twizzlers only come in red
-you're a vegan. Because your feeble bones will melt.